About

This is my journal for the past year and continuing. I use Scoobystales and Scooby only to protect the innocent (me). And evidence of that to me is how I have alternated between making this blog public and then being private. Why private? This stuff is often very personal, very. Sure, I know we all have skeletons hidden in our closets and I’m no exception. I have found that when I made this blog public, I get loads of spam. At first I felt pissed, but then I realize this is part of living in the real world. Junk mail filters may reduce some of it, but it is a fact of internet life. Thank God for the bulk delete feature.

About Scooby: He’s chased his tail in various ways, as a court transcriber for ten year, contractor for ten plus years, as an intern marriage and family therapist for about ten years also. Instead of the 7-year itch, job-wise I have had the 10-year itch. With some, I left the bridge in place; in others, I’ve burned the bridge. It has been painful to look back, but moving on seems to be a better fit for me.

When I was 39 years old and in the middle of my contracting phase, my mood disorder escalated both in mania and depression. A suicide attempt in 1985, though it used up one of my nine lives, was a blessing because I was diagnosed with a mood disorder called manic depression and more recently bipolar disorder. For once in my life I now knew how to explain my exhilerating highs and dark depressions. In 1973 I had attempted suicide in a way I had seen the movies – with natural gas. I thought I would just get drunk and go to sleep and end it all. Instead I woke up to an apartment in flames and burned severely but, most importantly, still alive!

I did end up looked at by the psychiatric profession, but I think instead of looking for a mood disorder, they attributed what happened to depression and very bad judgment. It was 1985 when I began to look at life through both kaleidoscopes and dark glasses, and I think it was not until December of 2006 and in the company of other people who accepted their shortcomings and moved on in their lives, Alcoholics Anonymous. I am really not certain I am an alcoholic, but I do credit some wonderful pepole in that program for providing friendship and encouragement when both were sorely needed. My sobriety birthdate is December 22, 2006, and as I write this I have two years and seven months of sober living.

Drinking, like smoking cigarettes, both may kill you in time, but they are two addictions I deal with and thankfully look back at in my past. My current addiction is computers and leading peer support groups. Dr. Robert Glasser wrote a book, Positive Addictions, and though like some others have only seen the cover, I think of what he talks about as applies to my life. The book suggests that you use the same psychological tendencies that lead to the usual addictions to get “hooked” instead to things that are good for you. One author wrote about his addiction to oral hygiene and yoga, something he practiced every day. It makes sense.

I can be reached by email at scoobystales@gmail.com. I participate on MDJunction.com as Scooby and on the Harbor of Refuge. I welcome hearing from anyone who may be on the same page with me. I have deliberately kept my identity cloaked so I can feel the freedom to put it all out there. Natalie Goldberg wrote a book called Writing Down the Bones and though I have only skimmed it, she encourages writers and has encouraged me. My interpretation of her book (albeit unread) for me is that writing can be a way of delving into the stuff that makes up you and me in a productive way, ideally penetrating the outer obstacles to introspection and getting into the core stuff.

As I have recently taken a few lessons in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, I’ve learned the concepts of rational mind, emotional mind and wise mind. I think my style has been more to use the rational mind and be only in my emotional mind not quite so much.

I don’t intend to figure it all out, I used to think maybe I could; but now it is to find a balance and be more able to find that wise mind between those two sides of my mind. It has been a journey and continues to be one.